Lately, I have found myself kind of…well, terrified.
It’s like I have reached a point where I have to move onto the next stage of life, looking ahead to kids who are not toddlers and babies anymore, but “big kids.” The teen years loom ahead of me and I feel paralyzed with indecision about what is best for our family moving forward.
My husband and I talk constantly about what we want the next stage of our lives to look like. We dream of “more” for our kids: more land, more freedom to explore, more opportunity on a little farm, more of a house that feels like home, more of something we can’t even fully articulate.
Some days I feel like it’s so close I can taste it, like all of our dreams could become a reality if I just reached out and took hold of it.
But then, behind it, there’s this big, giant looming fear. A fear that it’s selfish to think of wanting anything more, a fear that financially, we will never be able to make our dreams come true, a fear that it’s just another dream achieved that will leave us restless and unsatisfied. Because isn’t there always something “more” that feels like it’s just lying ahead? That one thing that if we only had we would be oh-so-happy-and-fulfilled?
I don’t know, I really don’t. I feel like we’ve worked so hard to be grateful with what we have and in so many ways, I am. I have everything I could ever want for-four sleeping babes under my roof, flowers in my yard, a garden that I mostly killed off but hey, I tried, and a full coffee cup.
It feels greedy to ask for anything more.
I can’t help but wonder if there’s something “more” in store for our family…
How do you balance your dreams for the future with being content with where you’re at right now?