There. I said it.
Sometimes, I think my job as a mom, part-time nurse, and fledgling writer is harder than my husband’s.
And I think it makes me a jerk.
It’s not something I even want to think about, mind you, but deep down, I have the teeniest, tiniest conviction that maybe, just maybe, my life is harder than my husband’s.
I’ve talked a lot about playing the comparison game and not dwelling on our differences as men and women, but I know that actions speak louder than words. I know that when I’m trying to juggle all things-the money, the house, working, the kids-and some ball inevitably goes flying out of the air, I start to harbor resentment because he doesn’t have to do all of this! Must be nice to just worry about work. Hmmpph. I can feel it brewing inside me and it’s a dangerous path to go down, I know this.
It’s not a competition and I have an awesome, awesome husband. And yet, I know I still take things out on him when I feel overwhelmed.
Take today for instance.Â
My husband had school called off again (he’s a teacher) and he was out the door faster than you can say “snow day” to work in his workshop. Meanwhile, there was some kind of mix-up at work and apparently I was supposed to be there and slept my way right through them calling me in. So now I’m chilling anxiously, hoping I don’t get in massive trouble for not showing up to a shift I didn’t know I was supposed to be working, all while feeling wretchedly guilty because I could have been there because Ben had the day off…even though he’s not here. It’s craziness.
My point being, sometimes, I get a teensy bit jealous that when he has the day off, he gets the day off, you know what I’m saying?
We don’t really get that.
I spend my week going around like a crazy person, trying to do all the normal “mom” stuff while fitting in writing jobs here and there and prepping enough for the weekend. Ben usually works in the workshop Saturday or I’m working at the hospital, and the madness starts all over again.
I have to constantly check and balance myself because obviously, it’s not anyone’s fault. I choose this life and I have the choice to talk to my husband about how I’m feeling if things get out of control.
Logically, I know this.Â
Illogically, of course, I’m sitting here stewing and eating leftover chocolate cake while pretending not to hear that Jacob is awake in his crib.
Hey, if he gets the day off, so can I, right?
Melissa says
It doesn’t make you a jerk, it makes you honest. Because it is harder 🙂
Shannon says
Yeah, I would be super mad! There are no days off in parenting, lol. Honestly, getting pregnant for the second time has really helped my relationship with my husband. Since I’m getting bigger and more uncomfortable, and he sees that, he helps out much more with our 3 year old son. And I see their relationship strengthening. And the added benefit of seeing how hard I work. 😉
The other day when I had a doctor’s appointment and he was watching our son, I came home and he literally told me, ” I don’t know how you have an ounce of sanity left. ” Lol! I just smiled.
When I have felt this ‘comparison feeling’ in the past (before second pregnancy), the best thing for me to do was take a trip by myself. Visit friends, stay in a hotel a few towns over, just get some alone time and space. I know, easier said than done, but forcing my husband to watch our son with no help always made him see how hard I work. Just a thought. Such a tricky balance in a marriage, who does more child work, house work, etc. The best thing is probably to let things go.. but I totally understand where you are coming from!
Ok, that was rambling. 😉
Tiny Blue Lines says
I really do need some time off, I know it, I’m just kind of stuck at the moment with Jake refusing a bottle. It’s such a short time, but I’m not sure I will make it a full year of nursing him! I might need to check into a nice little B & B and finish my book-that will be a good excuse, right? 🙂
Laura Thompson says
Linked you in my Weekend Links!
http://notsoaveragemomma.blogspot.com/2013/04/weekend-links.html
Tiny Blue Lines says
Thanks Laura! 🙂
miranda says
I totally feel ya. We’er always caught in the middle between duty/responsibility/guilt/desire and wanting the other parent to take over for a while.