Every day, when I pick my oldest daughter up from kindergarten, I am the youngest mom in the sea of shivering parents huddling together outside of the locked doors.
And every day, while I admit to the occasional wonderment of “Do I look nice enough?” or “Is the baby’s face clean enough?“, fearing the ever-present judgemental looks that I seemingly conjure up out of thin air, for the most part,
I am just another mom.
The truth is, I am outside of the norm for my age group, at where I am in life and the number and ages of my children. I’ve been reading the fascinating book, “The XX Factor,” by Alison Wolf, in which she discusses how by far, across the board in developed countries, the more educated and “successful” the woman-the less likely she is to have children. And if she has a family, she probably won’t have more than one or two children.
It’s interesting when you look at the numbers-by far and large, the women who have the most children also have the least amount of education.
So my husband and I, I’ve realized are defying the odds in a sense. We’ve owned a home for almost three years now, we have advanced degrees and careers, we have life insurance and retirement, and we have three children. And we’re 27.
It’s almost bizarre to me, to realize that we are not “the norm.” That the elite among us-those at the higher levels of the income bracket, those deemed more “successful” in life are also choosing to eschew that which humbles and upholds us, that which will make us greater than we could have ever thought possible-and yet has the power to reduce us to tears in an instant.
I wish things were different; I wish that family life was deemed just as important as the higher-level, professional jobs that bring up a higher paycheck-at a very dear price.
But in a way, I’m glad to realize that I have stumbled upon a secret that no degree or glass ceiling breakthrough can bring.
That through the maze of life, no matter how broken down, lost or confused the path may seem-the journey to young motherhood has been the most precious gift of all.
I firmly believe that my pregnancy, my children, and my unexpected foray into parenthood has been the secret to success.
No planning, no perfect nest egg secured beforehand, no boxes neatly checked off the list.
Just the messy stumble into motherhood, the blinking of eyes against the bright light of the baby born to me to see what was there all along.
In a sea of mothers, of parents, of women, of employees-
I am just another.
But the path I take?
Is mine alone.
I’ve heard that about how higher education seems to lead to fewer children in many cases. In my family, I am happy to say that that is not always the case.
My mother-in-law—no formal degrees for various reasons, but she had the equivalent of a master’s at least, IMO. Ten kids. Founded and ran an elementary school for years. Decided not to become a concert pianist when she married my father-in-law.
My sister-in-law—master’s and PhD, married to a man who also had a PhD. Ten kids. Professor.
I have only four, and I got my master’s when our youngest was a teenager, but people still looked at us funny for having “so many kids.” My husband has two bachelor’s degrees.
My daughter Rosie has only (sarcasm) a bachelor’s degree, and she has no interest in more degrees. She is 27 and has four kids and counting. Her husband is a lawyer, so he has his law degree, but he also has a double degree in history and vocal performance.
Lots of Catholic mommy bloggers have five or more kids and a bachelor’s. I expect there are lots of Mormon moms who do, too.
I was always the youngest mom in the group, too, and I’m sure people pitied us with our “so many” children and our small house and my small career. The heck with them! I’m so glad that you know that your kids have been so good for you!
My fiancé discuss this all the time. We are expecting our first in December and just finished our two bachelors degrees. My fiancé has a wonderful career start and plans to finish his masters in the next two years.
On top of that, I am only 21 and get looks and questions about why I would put myself in such a tough position in todays world. As unexpected as my first is, I feel that we are way ahead of the game and there are always going to be stares because our choices were different than others.
I am so blessed in my life and had the greatest opportunity to buy a house this past weekend at the very “young” age of 21!
I think the best things in life are those plans we never planned for.
Wow, congrats, Kayla!! That is awesome!! I am glad I was able to finish my Bachelors before Ada was born-I always say it was the best plan for an unplanned pregnancy! You guys are ahead of the game and that baby is lucky!! 🙂