But, I’m Her Mom…

So Ada is scheduled to have her surgery on Monday. I’m scared, but trying to remain calm, cool and collected about the whole ordeal.

I read on the paperwork from the hospital that one of us is allowed to go back with her while anesthesia puts her to sleep. I had no hesitation about who would go back–of course it would be me. I’m her mom. Didn’t even think twice about it.

That is, until I did.

This morning, while laying in bed, pretending not to hear my children awakening, I started thinking: what if the situation was reversed?

How would I feel if Ben was the automatic? The given for such a huge situation as surgery? If I was forced to sit in the waiting room while he went back and held our daughter’s hand?

I would feel terrible.

Aside from the fact that I would want to see everything and know that she was ok, would be the fact that I would feel my motherhood would be somehow threatened; If I’m not comforting my child in her time of need, I am failing in my basic duty as a mom. Kids need their moms when they are hurt–isn’t that some sort of law? What kind of mother would I be to sit in the waiting room and read an outdated People magazine?

But maybe I’m being selfish here. We are equal parents, are we not? If I’m being honest, Ben is actually way better than me in some regards–dealing with a flailing, wailing temper tantrum, getting up at 3 AM. So maybe being the mom doesn’t make me the given to go back with her.

What do you think? Am I over-thinking this too much?

Who should be the one to go back with Ada during her surgery?

Can't believe this sweet little thing has to have surgery...:(

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PS–Thank you to everyone who entered my first blog book giveaway! Getting people to enter the contest was a sad, sad awakening to how truly unpopular I am. I am truly grateful to those family and friends (mostly family) who took pity on my poor blog soul and helped me spread the word. We even got to (gasp!) over 100 fans on the Tiny Blue Lines Facebook page. The grand winner was Melissa Oquendo, so congrats to Melissa! I mailed the book out this morning, happy reading!

If you didn’t win this time, fear not. I’ll be giving away The Happiest Mom by Meagan Francis next, so keep an eye out!

Comments

  1. I’ve never really thought about it that way. Do you think that your husband thinks that you are the automatic too? Do you think that we are all conditioned to think that way, or is that just biologically normal for the mom to be put in that role? We are the nurturers, after all. I think part of your feeling horrible if you weren’t the one back there stems from mommy guilt (which, as we have discussed, is totally absent in men. Haha. How?!?!?) Does he want to be back there with Ada when she goes under? If so, know that all that REALLY matters in the end is that everything goes okay. Ada will be happy as long as somebody that loves her is by her side [when she probably will be kind of scared]. My son has to have surgery sometime in this next year, and I will probably be dealing with this same dilemma too — except until now I would have been less thoughtful about it. Haha. Anyways, I hope the surgery goes well. I hate that y’all have to go through that. :(

    PS You are so not unpopular!! Everyone has to start somewhere! I got the word out to a couple of my friends that liked your Facebook page, so hopefully from here it will be just one huge chain reaction. Keep up the thoughtful posts!!

  2. Tiny Blue Lines says:

    Thanks so much!! I’m sorry to have even put those thoughts in your head for your son’s surgery! I hope everything goes well for you too! I need to go out and put together a little “surgery treat bag” for her when she recovers! She let me know she would like “candy and candy” in it! Lol!

  3. I love that you ask yourself the hard questions, Chaunie! It’s awesome that you consider how Ben would feel being automatically dismissed to the waiting room.
    As far as parenting goes, I think the above mentioned mommy-guilt and societal expectations have a big impact on what we, as moms feel compelled to do in order to be an “acceptable mom”. The important thing in making those decisions is just talking about it between each other, Brad and I have had to do this before when I was working, and Becca woke up seriously sick on days we both work. His work was much more flexible than mine, and after we talked about it, he ended up taking her to the doctor while I went to work. And even though it worked out better that way, I still felt guilty as if it was more “important” that I be the person to take my kid to the Dr.

    • Tiny Blue Lines says:

      You got it right on the money Clare, sometimes I’m not sure if I really feel that way or if it’s because I think I’m supposed to feel that way!

  4. Wow, I’ve never really thought about it that way! I have learned in my short time of being a parent that society really outlines what is considered ‘acceptable mothering’, but in reality, that doesn’t always work for me. We do what works best for our family. If that means my Ben gets up with PB in the middle of the night sometimes, so be it. We do US. And you should totally do what’s best for your family. It’s so hard not to get caught up in the norm of what a mom should be. Do what works for you and Ben and your kids.

    P.S. Hahaha, blogging is not for the faint of heart or for the faint of losing a popularity contest! I learned that, too! Oh well, keep doing what you love :)

  5. We’ve had a few cases of kids having surgery and stuff like that. My husband was practically always the one who was with them. He stayed home with them, and I was generally at work. He was the designated childcare provider. I never had enough sick leave or vacation leave to take time off for operations etc., not until they were older and didn’t need me as much! LOL! But anyway, Chaunie, talk to Ben and see what he says. Isn’t that the logical thing to do?

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