The Beautiful Ache of Motherhood

So today is my birthday and I kicked off things with pretty much being the worst mother in the world. 

I woke up late, heard Ada downstairs, realized she hadn’t gotten dressed or brushed her teeth and that we had 10 minutes to get to school, so of course, I did the logical thing and yelled at her over the stair railing to get her buns in motion.

She didn’t respond, 5 more minutes passed, so I hauled down the stairs in a rage and dragged her upstairs, scolding her the entire time. “Ada! You know the rules–you’re supposed to get dressed before you watch TV!!”

And that’s when I noticed her look silently down at her hands. 

And that’s when I noticed the crayon-filled card she was holding.

And that’s when I felt my heart break into two and wished I could rewind time. 

Motherhood is full of beautiful, breathtaking moments–but it’s also full of pain. 

If there is one thing I have learned over the past six years as a mother, it is this:

Motherhood is exquisitely, breathtakingly beautiful.

But it is also overwhelmingly painful.

My heart opened up in ways that I never thought possible the moment that I first laid eyes on my daughter, a squalling bundle of baby limbs on my chest that caused my breath to catch in a way that feels like it will never fully recover. I remember thinking, “Oh, it’s you!” because I felt instinctively that she was someone my heart had always known and would always recognize.

So while becoming a mother has literally transformed my life with its love, it has also brought an unexpected ache. 

Do me a birthday favor? Read the rest over at Disney Baby today and celebrate Mother’s Day with the beautiful ache of motherhood every day. 


  1. Oh my heart breaks for you. I have had those moments where I am short with my kids when they are trying to be sweet. It seems like no amount of “sorrys” or hugs and kisses can fix it. But I have found kids to be super-resilient and they don’t remember things the same way we do. Don’t be too hard on yourself mama. Happy birthday!

    • I know! 🙁 I won’t lie–I cried all morning about it, but she honestly didn’t even remember it happened. Still, why?! Sigh. Just a lesson for next time, I guess.

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